Expensive Poo.

I loved driving while on the road. It was just known that if someone must drive (under any condition) or squeeze the R.V. and trailer in a tight spot it, was me. My normal time to man the wheel was the "early bird" shift. Approximately 4 a.m. until whenever we got there or my eyeballs just weren't having it any longer. We were somewhere in the middle of America. Band and crew were fast sleep throughout the R.V. I'm pretty sure it was a rough night as well. It was close to the end of the very last tour we did as a band. Tensions were high, morale was at an all time low. We were all just over it and ready to get back home and start something new, away from each other (that's another story). Anyway, I'm at the wheel at my usual time rockin' to my mix country CDs. My guess is Wisconsinish. It hit me and it hit me hard. There was nothing I could do. It was either sit there and totally poo myself OR do what we all did all the time "Bag one up". So, I did what any good citizen would do. I pulled over, went through the kitchenette, found a bag and went to do my business. Came out of the bathroom, kicked open the side door and Heaved that bag way out in the trees. I really put some major mustard on that throw. I rush back to the drivers seat and sit down, cranked it over and went to put it in drive. As soon as I grabbed that stick I hear a knock at the passenger side window. I look over and was like "yea right dude..no way!!". A WOMAN state patrol lady motioning with her finger and saying "Roll it down!! roll it down!!". I said "Yes ma'am?". She said, with a very stern and broken voice, "Sir, what did you just throw out into the wilderness?". "Oh ma'am, if I didn't take care of it I would have had and accident while driving." She ripped her glasses off so she could look me in the eye and says "Are you telling me that was your feces? Out of the truck!!" I was in my boxer briefs, a wife beater and some stupid slipons. So I get out there and I can't believe she didn't laugh at my appearance. I was a mess. Leftover eyeliner smeared all over my face. I'm sure I looked like a homeless transsexual. She says, "Go get it". So, I had to worm my way through the woods, over a fence that had no top bar on it. This totally wasn't happening. By this time the band and crew was awake, laughing their asses off. The band needed a laugh. A laugh at my expense but none the less, a laugh. I finally grabbed my bag of poo way up in a tree and threw it away in the trash can IN the R.V. Who is laughing now!? haha. Miss Poop Patrol woman let me off with a $160.00 fine. Thank you Miss Poop Patrol for not taking me to jail AND for this ridiculous story that I get to tell everyone about. It has been my most expensive poo to date.